Self-Coaching with Compassion

If you were to come to a coaching session with me, we would begin with prayer, acknowledging our Creator, and asking for divine guidance.   The spirit of prayer brings with it a love that is seldom achieved any other way.  It feels like divine compassion and is essential to the Creator-based® process of coaching.

Remember the C in CMH Coaching? Yes, it’s Compassion.  That’s why it’s the first letter in the name- it is the essential part of any creation. We create optimally from love, understanding, and caring warmth.

What is self-coaching? Oh, my friend, self-coaching is something you do nearly every waking hour of the day; you may not realize it.  You know that voice in your head? Yup, that’s a coach.  The question is, which coach are you listening to? The kind, encouraging mentor or the insistent inner critic?  Self-coaching at its finest comes from the voice of our Creator.  We can learn to listen to that voice and practice following the patterns given there.  That pattern will be our ultimate Creation Coach.

So, self-coaching, in the building, positive growth model is talking to yourself as you would a good friend- compassionately, offering encouragement and understanding, and offering empathy.  However, self-coaching is not taking lame excuses, whining, or complaining.  You know, you hold your friends accountable.  It’s something you do because you love them.  When you self-coach, you do lovingly listen and hold yourself accountable. 

Consider doing this ‘Defining Life-Purpose’ activity this week.  You can answer the questions involved by either speaking out loud, using your inner voice, writing in your journal or sharing with a trusted friend.

  • Create a “wheel of life.”  Draw a big circle- take up the whole paper.  I like an oversized piece for this activity. Get crafty.  Divide the circle into eight slices  (more if needed), labeling each one with a facet of your world.  Labeling ideas might be God, self, home & family, church, work/career, community, hobbies/loves/talents, things I feel called to do, etc. You could even have individual slices for your relationships.

  • In each “slice,” write what you feel about it, and then note what you are drawn to do in this area.  I sometimes like to rate them in current importance from 1-5.  That helps me understand where to direct my energies.

    • Consider journaling about the labels that don’t feel as promising when you write them, and also journal about the ones you feel especially passionate and good about.  Look for slices that draw you in and call to you in some way.  

    • What do you feel moved to do in those areas?  Write that down too.  Is it scary? Exciting? Concerning?

    • Sleep on it, meditate or pray about it.  

    • Listen to your inner dialogue on it, and practice some self-coaching with that inner self.  

      • Does she need encouragement, direction, or reassurance?  

      • Does she need a course correction? 

      • Does she need you to remind her of her infinite potential and worth?

      • What does she secretly yearn to create?

      • Write it down.

  • Here are a few other questions to consider as you create your Wheel of Life-

    • To understand which “slice” is ready for your energy and work: Where do you get your energy and passion? In what activities does time seem to evaporate for you?  Where do you feel liberated and free?

    • What motivates you? (I’m a real sucker for words of affirmation, but for you, it’s accolades, gifts, prizes, vacations or exceptional food,  ‘you time,’ etc.)

    • Where are you most likely to be irresponsible? 

    • What emotion makes you feel most out of control? What emotion, outside of happiness, is most familiar and comfortable for you?

Next: recognize the gifts of weakness in your wheel.  Where do you feel not enough?  Being able to identify, embrace or hug a weakness and encourage it is a huge growth pattern.  

    • Are you willing to keep showing up for yourself in weakness? If you are, you will surely succeed!

Create personal commitments to yourself in the areas where you feel weak in your Wheel of Life.  Just choose one or two to act on, but feel free to brainstorm as many ideas as come to you.

Lastly- write under your wheel or on the back of the page- as if you were writing as someone who knew you profoundly and intimately.  

Again, writing to a beloved friend, record everything you would need to understand and deeply internalize to feel valuable and competent all the way to your core.  Write about the immense worth and essential role you have in this world and how no one else can bring what you uniquely contribute.  If it’s difficult, keep putting yourself in that friend position and write.  Again- sleep on it, pray on it, meditate over it.  It will be revelatory, maybe even life-changing.  Embrace your life in all its glory and move forward with purpose!