Rescuer or Coach?

Having learned about the roles of Victim and Creator, as well as Persecutor and Challenger, you are now ready to examine Rescuer or Coach.   If you have recognized your functioning role from time to time, good for you!  You’re already doing the work of a Creator.  To be able to look at those experiences in which you’ve seen yourself as a Victim, and to see them now as Challengers (or simply move back into Creator role) is a giant step!  That’s a big shift.  Already you are transforming and creating your life experiences! Kudos to you.

Those of us who mother- be it a pet, a younger sibling, a mentee, a plant, or a child, can quickly understand the role of a rescuer.  All that needs to take place is an “owie”,  and we’re right there to kiss it and make it better and rescue that little one from their trauma and pain.  We swoop them up, take them off duty and fix it for them. That’s what a Rescuer does, even when they mean well.  A Rescuer will draw power away from the victim by taking charge, reinforcing their powerlessness.

A Coach, on the other hand, is fully engaged in the situation at hand in a Creator orientation in her own life.  First and foremost a Coach knows that she is a Creator and sees other people as Creators as well.  This brings respect for others into the picture and antidotes the Rescuer’s role.  A Coach seeks to facilitate others’ progress without unseating them from their personal power position.

I love the word facilitate. It simply means to help or make things easier.  A facilitator does not do the work for another, try to teach, or make things happen.  A facilitator simply offers to shepherd and strengthen, taking care of smaller background responsibilities to support the growth and development of the person they Coach.  For instance, in a coaching session, I might offer a cup of tea to a client and make sure they are comfortable with a pillow or a listening ear.  They are the ones doing the work of self-growth. A Coach/Facilitator will simply support and be there with them with information, companionship, and encouragement as they need it.  A facilitator recognizes she is not the one with the power for another’s change.

The Coach role is a facilitator role in that the power rests squarely with the other person.  A Coach recognizes fellow Creator and has a desire to companionably share power with another.  A Coach supports, assists, and facilities a Creator in manifesting her desired outcome.

A Coach will create energy and situations with intention.  For instance- if the desired outcome is peace, a Coach may set an intention for that using an affirmation, mediation, or by diffusing. She will utilize the things she knows have brought peace to her in the past and will tap into her personal Creator for strength and inspiration.

It could look like this:  I wake up with a cold.  I have lots to do that day and need my energy and hope to be high.  I may slip into my victim role a while and “Oh, poor me.” And that’s okay.  Permission to be human, friend.  It’s okay to whine once in a while.  No judgment.

After a few “Oh, poor me” minutes I become curious and aware. Look at the thought pattern I have chosen! Back in my Creator, I want to change it; however, I come up short on ideas.  I need my coach!  She will help me to bring out the tea, study my favorite book, meditate a bit on the new concepts, bring in more curiosity in this discomfort, move a little in yoga or qigong and get some breakfast.

 My coach facilitates the ideas, but I invoke the creation of the day into which I am moving.   Soon I am thinking, “Yeah, this is a cold, but my body is so good at healing and helping me that it will be fine in no time.  I’m supported on every front and ready to share some of that goodness with the world.”  I have a great Coach that serves me in my Creator role very well.  She helps me to see new possibilities and helps me to dare to dream.

A coach is a source of knowledge, but doesn’t tell a Creator what she should or shouldn’t do.  It’s just an idea for the Creator to explore.  Ideally, a coach will ask good questions and encourage thinking, probing, and personal exploration.  She is NOT a fixer. She is a facilitator and a supporter.  By doing that she will cultivate empowerment and hope in the heart of a Creator.  Together, they are forward and future-focused, supporting a Creator to learn from the past and helping them kick start their next step.

Share with us what your Coach is like.  We’d love to hear and facilitate her success!  You might enjoy drawing a picture of her, creating a collage of the things your Coach brings into your life, or just having a cup of tea and visiting with the group members about it on the forum.  Remember, we are all Creators, different by design.  Let’s create awesome lives together!