Confident Connections Section 2
How did it go with locating and observing your inner critic? Were you able to get quiet and relaxed enough to find her? What did it feel like?
It can be a very calm and satisfying experience to be in your centered self. Keep practicing being in your center, and let’s start learning about how to connect and retrain the inner critic.
I brought you a fun inner critic to learn about today!
Creative Critic #1 The Second Guesser
The second guesser will fill you with questions.
She is a genius at curiosity with a purpose.
Her strategy is to lead you quietly away from her perceived danger by distracting you with questions long enough to keep you busy.
The Second Guesser’s process is to either distract you to the point that you forget about what you wanted,
or keep you busy until another inner critic can take over.
She will ask things like,
“Do you really have time for that?
“Do they have the food you like there?”
“Would you even have the right thing to wear?
“You’ve never done anything like that before- how would you know how to behave??”
“What if someone says….”
“What if you don’t know what to say?”
“I’m pretty sure you don’t have all the answers you need to act on that.”
“What did they mean by……?”
“Let’s not rush into this, I need to get more information.”
“Better to be safe than sorry!”
“Are you sure you’re really qualified?”
“What if you have food in your teeth?”
She will question, and question, and question, until the event seems so big that the only ‘reasonable’ decision is that you simply can’t do it.
It’s too much.
It’s too hard.
There’s simply too much to know and not enough time
to figure it out so you can do it properly.
Here is an idea to try so you can love and train your Second Guesser:
Try these thoughts on-
it’s like going to feel a lot like going into the dressing room at Neiman’s
and putting on a $1000 dress.
It’s gonna feel sleek, smooth, and really out of place…..
Come on, try this thought:
“Sweetie, I know you’re worried about this, but we have never been this old or had this much amazing life experience before.
We are very well prepared to try out this new situation.
I know you’re scared, but I’ve got you.
We’ll be fine, and even if we aren’t, we’ll laugh and enjoy ourselves”
Your Second Guesser may balk.
She may sputter.
Just love and reassure her that you are strong, confident, and capable.
Your life experience has seen to that.
If you have time today, play around with other thoughts you might offer someone who is using the questions listed above.
Think about your best friend struggling and what you would say to them.
Write them down.
Try them out the next time your Second Guesser comes for a visit.