Confident Connections Section 1

Confident Connections

Retraining your inner critic to be your ally and best friend. 

 It’s the season of connection. 

Family gatherings, work parties, time with friends. 

Is your inner critic keeping you from the joy of connection?


You and I both have inner critics; in fact, everyone does. They are a natural part of self-protection. Our subconscious mind catalogs every thought and experience we have from the time of our awareness in embryo. As that happens, we begin to form beliefs and thought processes about the world. From our unfolding experiences we may create parts of ourselves that are a bit off-center. Let me explain. 


The real you is centered, calm, curious, creative, capable, confident, and so much more. This real you is the part that feels like life is good and full of promise. She is connected and clear. She is willing to stretch a minute and enjoy the sensations of the day before you. She is at peace and full of hope as you awaken from sleep- for just a second or two. Then the fun begins.


When your Brain starts with the thoughts of your upcoming day things get a little wonky. You may even be continuing the stressful thoughts from last night. However, pay attention as you wake in the morning to what the calm, curious, centered part of you feels like. You can then practice touching base with that part periodically during the day. 


To check in with your centered self in the heat of the day, you may have to deliberately slow down and take a few deep breaths to get out of the cacophony of your thoughts. Try it. It’s possible. 


Slow down and come back into the feelings of your physical body. 

Feel the air against your cheek. 

Feel where your feet touch your surface. 

Settle into the weight of your body. 

Take a deep, full breath or two or three. 

When you’re relaxed, you will find that centered, constant, connected part of yourself. 


She’s in there, and she’s quiet and content.


Critics are anything but your center. 

Inner Critics are parts that developed out of scary experiences or hurt feelings. 

Most likely, they began in early childhood when you didn’t know any better. 

At that time, your decisions were based on the tiny bit of experience you had from birth to age 7. Your young, inexperienced mind determined a way to take care of you so uncomfortable or painful experiences didn’t repeat themselves. 

It created a vigilant, critical part to protect you.


Your Brain, your ever-present protector, is always on the lookout for ways to keep you safe. She will regularly send critical and scary thoughts to fuel that critical part. In this series, we will discuss some of the most common inner critics and the way they keep us from the ability to be confident in forming connections with others. Then I will show you how to retrain those inner critics and return to your confident, connected self.


Til we meet again- see if you can tap into your calm, clear, centered self a few times. I will see you in section 2- ‘The Second Guesser’ very soon!