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Adaptive perfectionism is consciously or unconsciously harnessing the power of perfectionism to help you heal. It’s like harnessing your horse. With the harness, you put boundaries on the horse’s power, driving all that power into something great.
A Perfectionist who isn’t managing their power can get deep in with their inner critic, becoming self-critical and simmering in shame. They can actually create a negative cycle of false identity and victimhood.
How do you shift out of the victim cycle?
One way is to use ‘I am’ statements. Of course, your statements must pass the three gates to come out of your mouth and ideally pass those gates to even be in your mind.
‘I am’ statements must be
1. True
2. Helpful
3. Kind
There are statements that are true but are not helpful. There are statements that are true and helpful but not kind. Your statements must pass all three gates: true, helpful, and kind, to help you shift into a Creator role in your life.
Consider these true, kind, and helpful statements to take back your personal power:
I am a child of God.
I am a born creator.
I am smart.
I am kind.
I am important.
remember those from ‘The Help’? You is kind, You is smart….
FEELING LIKE A VICTIM? CONSIDER THESE:
1. The difference between control and power:
Power comes in many forms- anger, love, joy, wealth, intelligence, beauty… it is kind, it is loving, it is a force for good.
Control is often manipulative and insistent on being in charge of management. It can be dominating, forceful, and grasping.
You have all the power you need to create the life you want.
2. In creating your perfect life, do you have memories of moments when you claimed your personal power? Rehearse and Remember them.
Ideas: childbirth, surfing, creating a beautiful meal, presenting and teaching a lesson, standing firm in grief, hope, and/or love…, and remembering when you felt good.
3. Remember that while change does involve loss, not changing involves much deeper loss. You can embrace success on your own terms. What does real success feel/look like for you? Pick up your dream and do it.
4. How do you want to feel when you are successful? Write about it and let that move you out of victim and into a creator role.
WORKING WITH WORRY
In seasons when your inner worrywart is especially active, schedule time for her.
When she impatiently demands your attention, remind her that her time is coming at, say, 2 pm, and you will devote 30 minutes (or your designated amount of time) just to her. That is your planned and set apart worry time. This is excellent practice for honing your personal power to choose your thoughts. Every time a worry comes up, gently stop the thought and remind your worry wart, not now. We will do that at the specified time. The funny thing is that for me, when the specified time comes, I don’t worry for long. It’s just that I have better things to think about. It comforts me to know, however, that I can come back and worry all I want at the specified time in the future.
Worry is like a rocking chair. It keeps us very occupied but doesn’t get us anywhere. 🙂.
By scheduling exclusive worry time, you will free up needed space in your mind and enjoy greater freedom and fun.
You’ve got this, my friend!
All my love,
Beth
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